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客家婚俗的变化

2008-08-25

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过去，客家地区的男婚女嫁，总是遵循“六礼”旧俗，“父母之命，媒妁之言”，男女双方在恋爱过程中没有更多的选择余地，凡事按部就班，到了结婚的大喜日子，男家请客，亲戚朋友热闹一番。请客的过程，繁杂礼仪较多，大户人家为了体面更是不惜花费重金。成婚后三日新郎随新娘回娘家，旧俗谓“转三朝”。为了显示娘家的热情，娘家人往往摆上几桌酒席，请来喝酒“高手”，直到把新上门的夫婿灌得酩酊大醉才肯罢休。

改革开放以来，人们的思想观念变化，一些约定俗成的婚俗也在悄悄发生着变化。近年来，客家地区男婚女嫁绝大多数都是自由恋爱，有的男青年出门打工，回来的时候竟带回来四川新娘、湖南新娘、广西新娘。即使不出门的青年男女，也可能本村本土自个寻找媳妇，很少再通过“媒婆”传话。新郎新娘成婚的时候，要么到圩镇上的饭店请客，要么借用由宗族统一购置的碗头碗筷集中在家里请客，被请的客人送上“红包”以示庆贺，很少如过去送一块布、几个蛋、一只鸡等礼品了。新郎新娘不等“三朝”就可以到娘家做客。路程不远的，只吃个午饭就回家，不一定非要住上一晚才回家。新郎新娘结婚后大多跟父母一起生活，有了孩子后大多分家独立生活，如果要出门打工，则把孩子托给父母亲照看。自由恋爱给农村青年带来生活的动力，但在一定程度上也给家庭带来不稳定因素，以至于离婚个案不断增多，兄弟之间、家族之间为抚养老人等纠纷时而发生。

计划生育政策推行几十年了，农村自觉实行计划生育的自觉性大大加强。福建实行“一胎半”政策，即如果第一胎生了男孩，男女一方必须采取计生措施；如果第一胎生了女孩，则间隔四年才能生育第二胎，然后采取计生的长效措施。显然，由于农村人口的生存压力加大，过去多子多福、比家族拳头大、只求孩子数量不求质量的思想观念正被多子多苦、指望孩子成才、更求孩子生活质量方面转变。“生男生女一个样，女儿也是传后人”的生育观念深入人心，“赚大钱盖新房”，成为新时代的写照。

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